Chapter 3: I fell in love with a gay guy

Annnnd here we go! I'm finally down to the last.. and most controversial? chapter for my effed up love trilogy.

Ohhhh I don't even know where to start.

IP192.168.32.14. 2nd year. (Surprise! Suprise!)

Unlike the first two, we started out as strangers. It took two years before we got acquainted. I know him, he knows me but we've never been introduced to each other until that one event.

We have a common friend and that paved the way for us to get closer. I was still afraid to fall, I wasn't fully ready but because he made me feel like he was there to catch me, I took the leap.

My friends doubted his "sexuality" but because I was so into him, I ignored all the signs. I let the my fantasy cloud the reality. I gave it my all. I did everything to try to make him happy. Until, one day I got a huge slap in the face.

The evidence was right in front of me. I'm staring at it, thinking how I let myself waste all those precious times trying to win  him over. I was, am, so stupid. I've never been so convinced about his sexual preference until that moment. I had flashbacks of all those conversations that we had, I now recognize the signs. Those little slips that tells me, "hey, we're both into guys/boys, 'teh!".

He's so good at using his words and his charm. He's so good at pretending he cares. He's just so good at playing around. He is a douche bag. And yes, now, I hate him. He was never a friend to me even though he tells people that he cares about me. That son of a bitch.

He's an asshole, I'm a bitch who stopped being "tanga-tangahan" over him. There's no way it's gonna work out so I know I had to let go, of everything, even our "friendship".

Now we're back to being strangers. I know him, he knows me, I'll forget we got introduced, ever.

I feel betrayed and yes, defeated. And because of this, I'm forever going to be afraid of love.

Love - 0; Pain - 1000

Will I ever win over pain?????????????????????????????????????????

Chapter 2: I fell in love with I-Thought-Mr.-Right

Have you ever felt that feeling when you thought you've found "the one"? Well, I did.

College. 2nd year. (What is it with me and 2nd years?!?!?!)

We started out as friends (what a cliche) then he admitted to me that he likes me. I felt so loved, special, and secured with him so after being afraid to fall in love for too long I finally gave in.

We had a great time but those great times were short lived. When he had bumps on the road, he left me hanging. I gave him space and time. I thought maybe when he realized how much "what we have" means to him, he'll get the courage to fight for it. But... he didn't... he walked away.

At the time I didn't feel any hate or anger towards his cowardly act. All I felt was regret because I know it could've been a perfect relationship.

It was a right love at the wrong time. Sayang.

But this time, I felt like he was more in the losing end that I am. He's the one who's so bitter about what happened up until this day. And we couldn't be friends anymore, I don't even know why he's so mad at me.

I thought I finally found someone who would love me more than I love him but obviously, I thought wrong because if I didn't we would be together 'til now.

Love - 0; Pain - 2

It's Official

It. Is. Over.

We. Are. Over.

Avoiding the trap

I've been there several times in the past. Now, I'm more careful. More qui vive about that specific type of emotion.

It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I'm afraid.