My Dream Guy Mix

If creating my "the one" is my prerogative, then I'll take the liberty to get the best selection of men out there and put them together in one piece.

I'll call him, Gabiel Zachary. First and foremost, he should be a straight guy.

He'll have Ian Somerhalder's dreamy, tantalizing, eyes.

Phillip Phillips' butt.

  
Pablo's hands.

<I cannot post a pic of him sorry =p Just imagine thin big hands with candle like fingers.>

Paul Wesley and Chico Garcia's wit and sense of humor.

The body of Adam Levine. <DROOOOL>

Chris Martin's lips (and voice too).

John Legend's oozing voice. (I'm torn with Chris' and John's voice. A mixture of two will do.)

Gino Quillamor's height.

Chris Crary's cooking talent.

Patrick J. Adam's eye for a good photo.

The emotional side of Danny O' Donoghue

And of course the personality of Chris Tiu. My ultimate crush. The guy who's one ligo away from being perfect.

That's my idea of a perfect guy. Well, who am I kidding? I know looking for a guy with all of these qualities is just a fantasy but at the end of the day, all I really want is someone who will accept and love me for who I really am. Someone who can look me in the eye and tell me that I'm beautiful even though I am imperfect.

So, if you are out there (or if I'll see you in another lifetime), I am waiting for you. Patiently, by the way.

That crazy little thing...

Most of my friends my age are in a relationship. Some of them even have a family of their own already. Unfortunately? I'm not one of the lucky?? ones.

I'm turning 24 but I haven't been in a serious relationship since birth. Is it a bad thing? Well, maybe. I used to think that there may be something wrong with me that's why nobody likes me. Maybe it's because I ain't gorgeous or maybe because I'm fat or maybe I'm not likeable at all. But those times have gone by. I don't know how or when exactly I finally was able to overcome my insecurities. I woke up one day feeling good about myself and that was it.

Sometimes I feel really thankful that I don't have to deal with relationship sh*t and stress but there are also other times when I wish I have someone I can share my life with. I wish I have someone to come to the movies, to go out and try out new diners and restaurants, someone who I can call mine. I don't really know if he's out there somewhere, but hey, if you are and you happen to pass by this blog entry, I want you to know that I know you'll come into my life at the perfect time. It's hard, so hard, to just sit around and make myself that there's someone out there for me. What if there's none? I hate the waiting game.

People may not believe it but I'm being honest when I tell them it's okay with me to end up alone. I have made peace with it. Basta, makapag tour ako around the world and go into law school, I'll be fine. Whatever my fate is, I promised myself that I'll make the most out of my life. I'll live happy. I won't worry myself too much anymore. Because I'll only live once, you'll only live once, we all will only live once.

P.S. I'm still not over you..

Don't you know that I've tried to get you out of my mind but it don't get no better as each day goes by..

Why I want Jessica Sanchez to win Americal Idol 11

Some people may say that I want her to win just because she's half Filipina sorry but no. I want her to win because no one else in that competition deserves the title more than her.

She's versatile. She's always on pitch. Her runs and notes are always spot on. She has soul. Her phrasing is perfect. She's a total performer. She may lack physical star quality but she's young and who knows? She might just grow up as a drop dead gorgeous girl. 

So yeah, I hope and pray really hard that she'll win the competition. Well, if not her, it should be Phillip. Joshua is a great singer but duh, he's too overrated.

Mom

For all the times that you try to make everything okay,

For all the times that you try to make all may pains go away,

For all the times that you told me "Don't worry"...

For all the clothes and shoes you bought for me,

For all the foods you cooked,

For all the medicines you provided to cure me when I'm down with sickness...

For all your support,

For all your encouragement...

For believing in me,

For never losing faith in me...

For embracing me in times of triumph,

For embracing me harder in times of defeat...

For not leaving when the world turned its back on me...

For giving me a home...

For your unconditional and unfailing love...

For being my friend,

For being my mother,

Ma, thank you.

I honestly wouldn't know how to live this life without you.

I love you each and every day of my life.

Happy Mother's Day!

Unfixable

Sometimes you just have to give up, leave it broken, move on, and find a new one.

Sunset

I remember reading somewhere that letting go is something that you do everyday. Well, that sure is true. It feels like whenever the sun rises, those feelings that you try to throw away rises with it. A moment of silence and you'll realize that they're still there. Right where you left them. Haunting you. Getting through to you.

But you know what's better? Each day you try to fight it, you get stronger. The shield gets thicker. The pain slowly goes away.

I look forward to that sunrise when I no longer remember a thing about you, about us.

Hi, thanks again, for finally letting me let you go.

My take on Payphone

Because the new Maroon 5 song is just too intoxicating. Love Maroon 5! Love love Adam Levine! Come to Manila this year please! <3

"ALL THOSE FAIRY TALES ARE FULL OF SHIT!" --> yeah you got that right, Adam!

Guesstures ala The Voice judges

Spell fun!

It's Too Heavy

A cute clip but I think this video has a deeper meaning. Aren't we all like this little girl when we're asked to do something we "have" to do but we don't want to?

Take cleaning the house as an example, we know that we need to get our lazy asses off those chairs and go tidy up but most of the time we do everything just to avoid it.

It feels like lifting a 300 pound cargo when in reality it's just probably 10 grams.

My question is, how do go about those type of situations? Where do you pull out motivation?

Chapter 3: I fell in love with a gay guy

Annnnd here we go! I'm finally down to the last.. and most controversial? chapter for my effed up love trilogy.

Ohhhh I don't even know where to start.

IP192.168.32.14. 2nd year. (Surprise! Suprise!)

Unlike the first two, we started out as strangers. It took two years before we got acquainted. I know him, he knows me but we've never been introduced to each other until that one event.

We have a common friend and that paved the way for us to get closer. I was still afraid to fall, I wasn't fully ready but because he made me feel like he was there to catch me, I took the leap.

My friends doubted his "sexuality" but because I was so into him, I ignored all the signs. I let the my fantasy cloud the reality. I gave it my all. I did everything to try to make him happy. Until, one day I got a huge slap in the face.

The evidence was right in front of me. I'm staring at it, thinking how I let myself waste all those precious times trying to win  him over. I was, am, so stupid. I've never been so convinced about his sexual preference until that moment. I had flashbacks of all those conversations that we had, I now recognize the signs. Those little slips that tells me, "hey, we're both into guys/boys, 'teh!".

He's so good at using his words and his charm. He's so good at pretending he cares. He's just so good at playing around. He is a douche bag. And yes, now, I hate him. He was never a friend to me even though he tells people that he cares about me. That son of a bitch.

He's an asshole, I'm a bitch who stopped being "tanga-tangahan" over him. There's no way it's gonna work out so I know I had to let go, of everything, even our "friendship".

Now we're back to being strangers. I know him, he knows me, I'll forget we got introduced, ever.

I feel betrayed and yes, defeated. And because of this, I'm forever going to be afraid of love.

Love - 0; Pain - 1000

Will I ever win over pain?????????????????????????????????????????

Chapter 2: I fell in love with I-Thought-Mr.-Right

Have you ever felt that feeling when you thought you've found "the one"? Well, I did.

College. 2nd year. (What is it with me and 2nd years?!?!?!)

We started out as friends (what a cliche) then he admitted to me that he likes me. I felt so loved, special, and secured with him so after being afraid to fall in love for too long I finally gave in.

We had a great time but those great times were short lived. When he had bumps on the road, he left me hanging. I gave him space and time. I thought maybe when he realized how much "what we have" means to him, he'll get the courage to fight for it. But... he didn't... he walked away.

At the time I didn't feel any hate or anger towards his cowardly act. All I felt was regret because I know it could've been a perfect relationship.

It was a right love at the wrong time. Sayang.

But this time, I felt like he was more in the losing end that I am. He's the one who's so bitter about what happened up until this day. And we couldn't be friends anymore, I don't even know why he's so mad at me.

I thought I finally found someone who would love me more than I love him but obviously, I thought wrong because if I didn't we would be together 'til now.

Love - 0; Pain - 2

It's Official

It. Is. Over.

We. Are. Over.

Avoiding the trap

I've been there several times in the past. Now, I'm more careful. More qui vive about that specific type of emotion.

It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I'm afraid.

Awkward Moment 101

So, I am a huge Top Chef fan and I was kinda late this season because of my crappy Internet connection but as soon as my high speed connection was installed, I downloaded the latest season immediately.

I noticed how gorgeous this Chris Crary is and I can't help to think whether he's straight or not. Because Tyler looks so manly and he admitted he was gay. So, I tweeted, "I crush Chris Crary. Is he gay? Oh God, I hope not! #topchef".

I woke up this morning with an ubersocial notification and when I checked it out, here's what I found:

Omg! He saw my tweet! I'm so ashamed of myself haha :p But it made my day!!! So happy! :) Thanks, Chris!

Chapter 1: I fell in love with my best friend

The one that got away.

Highschool. 2nd year.

I met a really nice guy. I knew him during my first year in highschool but it was only a year after when we were put in the same class.

He fell in love with my friend and he asked for my help. That's how we became best of friends. My friend cheated on him and he was broken hearted. I stood by him during his moments of grief and recovery. It took time.

Then I realized, maybe I'm falling for him. I see him differently. My friends noticed it too. I care more than I used to. He was always there for me. I never even have to ask, he was always ready to lend me a hand.

We used to talk for hours on the phone. Sometimes even after midnight. Then we'll hang out and talk even more in school.

We separated ways when we're in 3rd year. I finally decided to take the offer to move in to the top section but it didn't hinder our communication.

Prom came and he willingly offered to be my dance partner. Of course, I said yes. It was such a memorable night. I'm happy he had the courage to ask me.

We part ways after the senior year. We took different courses in different colleges.

As we grow older, we met different people in college and even in the office but we always keep in touch. We always update each other about the significant events of our lives. Every once in a while, we still see each other. Usually, he visits me home. Mom loves it when he does that, yes, he's close to my family.

Before I left the Philippines to try my luck in another country, he told me he has found "the one". It took me time to realize that he was serious about it. Then I fell into pieces.

Reality hit me harder when he told me the girl is pregnant and they'll be starting a life together. Ouch. He's really gone for real. He officially got away.

I can no longer have the man who I thought was perfect for me. I can no longer be with the man my parents wanted for me. It was hard. It took me time to finally accept the truth.

He wants me to be his child's god mother. I couldn't say "No". Even though it still hurts, I know I have to move on.

We're not meant to be. We never were.

Pain - 1; Love - 0

I fell in love three times...

Chapter 1: I fell in love with my best friend
Chapter 2: I fell in love with I-Thought-Mr.-Right
Chapter 3: I fell in love with a gay guy

Let me tell you a story. My story. Wait. Wrong. My heart's story. Yes, I am finally opening up.

Happy Birthday

Wow. What a coincidence. Haha!

I just realized now that today was the day when I decided to update this blog again. Oh, recreate would be more appropriate which perfectly suits the title that I have chosen for this particular entry. Cute. =p

Anyway, I saw Brick last week and all I said was, "Happy birthday". So lame. But I felt my heart skipped a beat. It was beating so fast. Parang kakagaling ko lang ng jogging sa sobrang bilis. Then I cried.

I always encounter the quote that says that if a guy truly cares for you, you need not to beg for his attention. So that's what I'm gonna do, that's what I'm gonna TRY to do. For three years now, I have been trying to wash off this feeling but it's so hard. I hope to succeed this time.

Ayoko na kasi. Pagod na ako. Tama na.